dimanche 14 février 2016

Why am I upset...

Because it was special
Because I didn't search for it..I didn't want it..it just happened
I didn't look fot it. You gave it to me
You offered your self
You were special
You are like a Tsunami in my head..and slowly doing the same fucking thig in my heart

I am upset because you are you..you are a normal guy...in a normal world..with normal needs and feelings..
This is stupid of me, but at the same time..feelings are feelings.
I need to figure out why or what..

Is it the fact that you were not the same..is it because you were high? Maybe. Still trying to wrap my thoughts around this part of you life.. I would have prefered you..doing the same proposition but  being your own self..
Maybe those are just my insecurities talking. Maybe you were just being a man..on valentine's day..wanting to fuck the girl he has been cruising for a few weeks..without any virtual sex or anything
Maybe this normal guy..who may be starting to fall is just also pissed about the situation...knowing that this girl is "banging" someone else.

Yeah..I am. I have a life and I can't just stop being the normal girlfriend.
I wish I could..stop just like that
All my friends know that I'm not happy..that this relashionship is not fullfiling my needs at all.

I am mad because I wasn't searching anyhting. I was doing my things and slowly getting the courage to change my situation..now you changed all that.. You and your words..you awakened feelings and needs I furiously was trying to burry.

I am not supposed to be mad because of silly pictures..or by the fact that you relax yourself a different way than me. It's not my business..
We don't know each other
Man, we don't even know what we smell like..I sure don't want to see a fucking dick before I even know if I like kissing you..but I do understand the needs.

Fuck, this is hard in all possible ways.
Not touching.. Not seeing you. Not looking in your eyes..
Talking about stuff that we should feel instead of living them...

You do talk to me..but I'm sure you have issues with stuff that you don't talk about..probably fearing my reaction.

What made me mad is that I wasn't expecting you to be a normal guy in the middle of the day..what made me mad is that I don't know you enough.
What made me mad is that Im insecured about the use and I dont know if you did use..
What made me mad is that I really have no rights to be mad...

I am mad because I allowed it to touched me.

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